I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
