i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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