I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
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My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
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I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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