i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
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