you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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