I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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