A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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