Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
