You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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