You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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