Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
