At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
My life is pants optional.
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