Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
she pinky promised me she was 18
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
