i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
