Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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