Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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