what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
