i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
