Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
