I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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