Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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