thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
