I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
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