so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
