Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
