I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
