Have you finally orgasmed yet?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
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I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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