I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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