If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
