She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
