I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
