i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
