I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
