i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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