I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
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I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
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I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize