Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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