A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
it was like having sex with a tree stump
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
God I need to hump something, right now.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
