Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize