Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
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