Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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