It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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