What did we do last night that was yellow?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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