She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
