You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
