For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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