So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
