this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
