jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
