Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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