I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
40s are totally the cure
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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