I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
