I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
