I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
