So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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