Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
