Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
