I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
