I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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