as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
