I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You ate ashes out of my bong
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
