I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
