That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
