I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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