im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
