Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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