he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
