Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
