Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
