the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
