sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
