No period for spring break; use this wisely.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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