So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
