i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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