Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
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