I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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