You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
