I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
