aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
