Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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