How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
