God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
