we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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