I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
