I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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